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p piano (soft) - the neighbors have complained
f forte (loud) - the neighbors are out
crescendo - testing the neighbors’ tolerance level
ff - to hell with the neighbors
pp - the neighbors are at the door
dim - thick
obbligato - being forced to practice
rit (or rall) - coming up to the bit you didn’t practice
con moto - I’ve got a car
allegro - a little car
maestro - a bigger car
metronome - someone small enough to fit comfortably into a mini
lento - the days before Easto (eggos, choccos, etc.)
largo - German beer (“Handel’s Largo reaches parts other beers can not
reach”)
piu animato - if you don’t clean that rabbit’s hutch out, it will have
to go
interval - meet the rest of the orchestra in the bar
perfect interval - drinks on the house
cantabile - singing, i.e. drunk.
con spirito - cantabile as a skunk
cantata - a tin of fizzy drink
tutti - ice cream
coda - served with chipsa
codetta - child’s portion
chords - things keyboard players do with one finger
dischords - things keyboard players do with two fingers
suspended chord - rope for lynching the soloist
rubato - ointment for musicians’ backs.
subdominant - “I can’t play until I’ve asked the wife.”
tonic - a pick-me-up
syncopation - a bowel condition brought on by listening to jazz
crochet - knitting
quaver - the feeling as you get past a rall (see above)
key signature - things to frighten everyone except drummers. Ignore them.
time signatures - things to frighten drummers, who ignore them anyway.
colla voce - this shirt is so tight I can’t talk
professional - any musician who can’t hold down a steady job
flats - apartments
a tempo - speed up or slow down, take your pick.
tempo di cafe - coffee break
improvisation - what you do when your music falls down
fugue - clever stuff
prelude - boring exercise to warm up before the clever stuff
acciaccaturas/appoggiaturas - insects found in the Amazon rain forests
opus - exclamation made when the cat’s done poos on the carpet
scales - fishy stuff
trill - bird seed
virtuoso - someone who can work wonders with easy-play music books
antiphony - crossed lines
melody - an ancient and now extinct musical form |