No good deed goes unpunished.

Leakproof seal - will.

Self starters - will not.

Interchangeable parts - won't.

There is always one more bug.

Nature is a mother.

Don't mess with Mrs.Murphy!

90% of everything is crud.

If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.


All warrenties expire upon
payment of invoice.

Where you stand on an issue depends on where u sit.

Never eat prunes
when you are famished.

Friends come and go,
but enemies accumulate.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

A short cut is the longest distance between two points.




You will always find something in the last place
you look.

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the
buttered side down is directly proportional to
the cost of the carpet.

No matter how long or hard u shop for an item,
after you bought it, it will be on sale
somewhere cheaper.

No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while
legislature is in session.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you
don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost
more than you thought.

If u fool around with a thing for very long you
will screw it up.

A $300.000 picture tube will protect a 10 fuse by
blowing first.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed
replacing anyway.

Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll
underneath to the exact center.

The repairman will never have seen a model quite
like yours before.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the
repairman, it will work perfectly.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool
something to stick in his mouth.

Everybody should believe in something - I believe
I'll have another drink.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only
a fool will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will
not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own
level of incompetence, and remains there.


You will remember that u forgot to take out
the trash when the garbage truck is two
doors away.

The race is not always to the swift nor
the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

There's never time to do it right, but there's
always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep
their money.

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold
makes the rules.

Everything east of the san andreas fault will
eventually plunge into the Atlantic ocean.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

The Light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp
of an incoming train.


Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.

To know yourself is the ultimate form of
aggression. (Freudian psychology)

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

A Smith&Wesson beats four aces.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously
don't know what the hell is going on.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know
the difference.

Murphy's Law, All rights reserved 2003